It was Kate’s review right at the end of 2024 which alerted me to Loved and Missed (2021), Susie Boyt’s seventh novel but my first time of reading her.
Loved and Missed is told primarily from the point of view of Ruth, whose daughter Eleanor is addicted to heroin.
“I sometimes thought what I minded most was that all the kindness had gone from her face. The way she had profaned her body.”
Set in a recognisable London, it’s not explicitly stated when the story is set but feels like the early noughties, with Eleanor born in the late 70s/early 80s.
Ruth is sad and self-blaming, but she’s also sparky, funny and resilient. When Eleanor’s baby Lily is born in need of morphine , it is Ruth who tires herself ragged at NICU. Eleanor and her boyfriend Ben are not presented as terrible people, just entirely incapable of taking care of themselves or anyone else.
I’m already making this sound much heavier than it is, so how is this for when Ruth realises she adores her granddaughter compared to other children?
“I sometimes found babies a bit cynical around the edges. Their been-here-before auras often registered as smug.”
Ruth decides to take on the care of Lily. How she engineers this is a move of breathtaking cynicism which Eleanor and Ben entirely live up to. It is presented matter-of-factly while being heartbreaking.
“Eleanor shrugged, which was often how she agreed with me anyway.”
Eleanor is filled with fury, which means Ruth steps on eggshells the whole time, terrified of alienating her further. As a reader I found Eleanor’s behaviour passive-aggressive, and aggressive, to an infuriating level, but Ruth’s deep love for her daughter and grandchild is palpable.
Over time, we see Lily grow into a teenager, repeatedly let down by her mother, unwaveringly loved and supported by Ruth.
“The world was Eleanor’s widow, I sometimes thought.”
Lily is old before her time, unsurprisingly. Meanwhile, her mother sinks further, as Ruth observes:
“She no longer looked at me with defiance and those jets of fury; There was a mild bewilderment to her and hardly any harshness at all. We were in a different phase. Her atmosphere was entirely sad.”
I adored Loved and Missed. It was so believable in presenting the singular focus of addiction without demonising Eleanor in any way, or attempting reductive explanations for why she is as she is. Ruth’s narrative does not let herself off the hook, even when she really could, and at the same time she has to approach life with love and humour to be present for Lily. The two of them laugh a lot.
It’s pacily written with so much wit, there were many sentences I marked – this post could easily have been a series of quotes.
It’s also got a brilliant character in Ruth’s best friend Jean, a pithy, clear-sighted, literature-loving, uncompromising powerhouse.
“’Sometimes in life,’ she said, ‘a really quite good book is what you need more than an excellent one.’ That scared me. It was so un-Jean.”
Loved and Missed is a testament to love, and the messy realities of love – how it is lived in an imperfect world by imperfect people, and how it is entirely fundamental. The novel is wholly devoid of sentiment but made me cry more than once, which given I was on an intercity train was not ideal! Highly recommended, and I’ll definitely be exploring Boyt’s other novels.
madame bibi lophile recommends 
After reading the first few paragraphs of this review, I thought ‘this will be too unbearable for me to put myself through’. However, a few sentences later, and I did a complete turnabout and felt ‘I must read this’! I have never read any Susie Boyt so you may well have really started something now!
Only today and tomorrow to go, you really are on the last lap; you’ve run the novella race without seeming to draw breath; I shall almost be relieved to slow down on adding to my wish list – I am struggling to keep up!
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I knew I’d make it sound too heavy! I’m so glad I didn’t put you off. Although it portrays the sadness of having a daughter who is addicted, there’s a lot of humour and joy here too.
I’m amazed I’ve got this far to be honest – every time I do this I wonder if I’ll make it, but this year especially. Although two more days to go…I shouldn’t speak too soon!
Thank you so much for all your comments on the posts, and I’m delighted so many of the novellas have appealed!
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Gosh, sounds like a very emotional read, Madame B. But to cover such a heavy subject in a way that engenders such a positive response from you is no mean feat, so it’s obviously an excellent book!
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It really was emotional Kaggsy! But the humour meant it never felt like a slog. It is really well done.
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This sounds so good, and such a difficult subject to pull off well. Of course, that last quote is the icing on the cake!
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It really is so tricky, I thought she managed it so well.
I had to include that quote!
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Skipping your review of this novel for now as it’s a book I really want to read and I’d rather not know too much about it before going in. Your closing comments tell me all I need to know for know, so consider me sold! I’ll have to pick up a copy soon before I forget it again!
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Wonderful! I really hope you enjoy it Jacqui.
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One thing that helps this book land as it does, and makes it not only bearable but enjoyable, is that you seem to fall into the story via the character without fully understanding the whole situation. It’s so wise on SB’s part, because you care about the grandmother almost immediately (because she cares so deeply about the baby), and then you learn the difficult realities her daughter is living day-to-day but by that time, as a reader, you really have no choice but to accept it. Which is probably also very similar to what she goes through as a character, she simply has to accept the rest of it because she wants to help the baby (which is also, by the by, helping her daughter too). It made me cry too, but in a good way. Anyway, I loved it too. (And I feel like I’ve mentioned the Granta podcast to you recently for some other reason, but an interview with SB there was just fascinating.)
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That’s very true, the reader is positioned into that point of acceptance. It is so cleverly written. I will look for that podcast episode – thank you! Susie Boyt had completely passed me by until now, so I’m keen to learn more.
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